Addicted! (Translation from "Süchtig")

 Info: So this is basically my english translation from my short story "Süchtig".. In my opinion it's somehow better in german :') Anyway, enjoy! :)

An silent sigh. Silence. A little time went by. Shortly Thinking. I wanted to answer her, but I would give in then. Would express weakness. I am a weak human, surrender myself to the fate. I let it happen. The noise of typing, I certainly stopped hearing it. My concentration was fixed on this little chat. My life. No, not the yping of words and the communication caused the joy, but she did. She was so quiet. 2.168 kilometers separated us. Confused thoughts were knotted in my mind. How I longed for her and hated myself for it, I was so fragile towards her. Only one wrong word was enough from her and it would be more than just painful. The counting of tears, I have stopped it; there is a number of periods. She returned my desire, but at the same moment she distanced herself. It was hurting bitterly. The hunger for love got never saturated. The many times that she had left me, but then came back, was always on the latest a painful experience. Tried to drown the pain with music. It never worked, it pulled me deeper in the hole of the unconscious. My need to fill my desire was to check if she was anywhere online and answered. It was sick. I was obsessed with her. At each time she was active and didn’t write me, the pain became more intense. No words. Easily nothing. This unbearable silence. 

 Her opinion changed so quickly. Earlier, she wanted to talk, now I was no longer well enough. A puppet show. I could only watch, but never play. Love is a drug, I'm the junkie. A legal drug. A dangerous drug. A destructive drug. It destroyed me. A dependency on an unlimited time. The desire and attempt to resist were my stones on my way.

Too heavy to carry or move them. The more I tried to move them, the more painful and power-consuming it was. The only thing that moved, were my steps in the other direction with pain and sorrow. I didn’t care about the things she has done to me, I could only imagine her in the white dress and golden ring.

 Days went by until she notified me. I told myself that everything that happened was now forgotten. Not a minute I hesitated to answer her. I felt so high. So incredibly good. Couldn’t get enough of this feeling, but the other day it looked completely different, “Goodbye! ! I’m really sorry. I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” she wrote and minutes later, I died on my drug addiction.

-Eva Sigourney Vernon-