Info: So this is basically my english translation from my short story "Süchtig".. In my opinion it's somehow better in german :') Anyway, enjoy! :)
An silent
sigh. Silence. A little time went by. Shortly Thinking. I wanted to answer her,
but I would give in then. Would express weakness. I am a weak human, surrender myself to the fate. I let it
happen. The noise of typing, I certainly stopped hearing it. My concentration
was fixed on this little chat. My life. No, not the yping of words and the communication
caused the joy, but she did. She was so quiet. 2.168 kilometers separated us. Confused thoughts were knotted in my mind. How I longed for her and hated myself for it, I was so
fragile towards her. Only one wrong word was enough from her and it would be
more than just painful. The counting of tears, I have stopped it; there is a number of
periods. She returned my desire, but at the same moment she distanced herself.
It was hurting bitterly. The hunger for love got never saturated. The many
times that she had left me, but then came
back, was always on the latest a painful experience.
Tried to drown the pain with music. It never worked, it pulled me deeper in the
hole of the unconscious. My need to fill my desire was to check if she was
anywhere online and answered. It was sick. I was obsessed with her. At each time she
was active and didn’t write me,
the pain became more intense. No words. Easily nothing. This unbearable
silence.
Her opinion changed so quickly. Earlier,
she wanted to talk, now I was no longer well
enough. A puppet show. I could only watch, but never play. Love is
a drug, I'm the junkie. A legal drug. A dangerous drug. A destructive
drug. It destroyed me. A dependency on an unlimited time. The desire and attempt to resist were my stones on my
way.
Too heavy
to carry or move them. The more I tried to move them, the more painful and power-consuming it was.
The only thing that moved, were my steps in the other direction with pain and
sorrow. I didn’t care about the things she has done to me, I could only imagine
her in the white dress and golden ring.
Days went by until she notified me. I told myself that everything that happened was now forgotten. Not a minute I hesitated to answer her. I felt so
high. So incredibly good. Couldn’t get enough of this feeling, but the other
day it looked completely different, “Goodbye! ! I’m really sorry. I just don’t
feel the same way about you anymore,” she wrote and minutes later, I died on my drug addiction.
-Eva Sigourney Vernon-
